During January I had a guest for three weeks. It was wonderful and I’m still recovering from it, even though I don’t want to recover from anything having to do with my guest. Love is grand that way. I’ve done some great personal Tarot work and learned so much about myself during this time. Winter, once again, seems a time to keep silent, even though all the forces of maliciousness and evil seem to come out of the woodwork during it. The key is to know when to hold your own and let the evil hang itself out to dry. That’s what it does because that’s its nature. It can’t help itself. It creates storms and chaos because it knows it has no real substance. True love is calm. True love knows its limits and acts accordingly. True love is not malicious in any way. It’s been the best season of my life. I will be posting more soon. Count on it.
Time has passed swiftly. As much as I’d like to practice with Waverly Fitzgerald calls “slow time,” I find that time gets away from me before I know. The holidays have done this same hat trick. Where did the end of 2009 go? If I did a yearly review I would be hard pressed to come up with anything that I wanted to accomplish. I merely drifted swiftly through the year. One thing that was a much-needed change was that the place where I work finally offered health insurance to its non-exempt employees. This is a good thing because I was doomed to be without it soon and it worried me. But thanks to the business manager who insisted the place comply with its oversight standards, they investigated the matter and acted quickly. For that I’m grateful. There is no guarantee here in America that any health care reform will be enacted that takes care of adults with pre-existing conditions; those routinely denied any kind of coverage whatsoever. When you hear pundits say that over 4 million more will now have insurance you are hearing them talk about children not adults. Yes, children of parents in the same bind I am will also not be able to insure their children. I held no illusion that the health care debate would lead somewhere and I was right; it didn’t. The entire measure was strictly a political move, not a moral concern for citizenry. And yes, I’m jaded enough by politics to say that. It gives me no comfort to be proved right in this case, but there it is.
Winter is now the perfect time to slow down and contemplate the coming year, not in a January-December sense, but in one’s own natural rhythm. How do we know what that is? Well, I first became aware of those natural cycles through the cycles every woman with hormones goes through. Even now, without an actual bleeding menstruation, I can tell when I am going through the passages of this cycle. Sometimes it takes a while for my mind to catch up with this recognition, but I do. From the monthly it’s not too hard to branch out to the yearly cycle. Where I work, there is a rhythm of months where financial matters rule the cycle; audits, year-end statements, etc. Also where I work they follow a calendar that was laid down many centuries ago by religion, so men have fixed the seasons and were determined to pay homage to time. I find that when I want to ignore these, it’s not so easy. My own natural rhythm gets lost in the rhythms of those established ones. I spend my time with tasks geared toward deadlines, not the ones that make sense. So it seems I am constantly struggling to keep up or meet deadlines. Or, I am dependent on deadlines that others must meet but don’t. It’s frustrating.
This year I want to begin cultivating creativity. Last year seemed a year of tearing down structures. But this year, I’m hopeful that creation can happen. I am not artistic in any sense but the written word and even that’s questionable. This year I want to find a new creative pursuit, experimental yes, but creative nonetheless. I’m not sure what that will be, but I want to be open and remind myself to experiment and follow through. It’s so hard for me to get out of the work cycle and begin testing artistic waters and mediums. Perhaps this will be the year for it. Blessings.
Bohemian Gothic Spread
I’ve been trying to get better at reading Tarot cards lately. My problem is that I cannot seem to integrate the meanings of numerous symbols, numerology, and color theory. My memorization is poor when I try to do it. This is why I’m not good at tests or math or logic puzzles that ask me if Jane lives on the third floor next to Bob but Bob doesn’t live next to Ken, where does Lily live? So Tarot readings are tough for me. I also struggle with going with my intuition when reading the cards and rely way to often on the book that comes with the deck. I am trying to break out of this habit and see if I can get a reasonable reading on my own, but I’ve yet to find a deck that truly speaks my language. The ones that do are out of print, exorbitantly expensive, or unpublished. Or perhaps, it’s merely a lack of trust in my intuitive process.
I have often thought I am good at making intuitive leaps and act accordingly and in some instances of my life this has been so. But Tarot is different. I think my christian fundamentalist background still wants to work its way into my psyche and undermines my ability to trust myself rather than what’s written by someone else. Words have always held weight and authority for me, so something written down seems sacred and permanent somehow. Yet I am also a firm believer in the sanctity of the individual spirit and soul freedom; our innate right to believe what we want to believe and not what someone tells us to believe. This reliance on perceived “authority” is a hard habit to break.
However, tonight I was struck by these three cards from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot. It’s a beautiful dark deck with rich colors and themes. I thought I would try my hand at “reading” the cards as I see them. I did not ask a question when I shuffled the deck, but concentrated on my life. The cards are Page of Pentacles, The Two of Cups, and The Chariot. This is not the order I dealt them. I rearranged them into a logical sequence. The elements represented are Earth, Water, and the Major Arcana of Choice which reminds me of Air. The colors that strike one first are pink and red and a splash of deep blue. Circles are prominent in the moons in two cards and the church window in the other. The Page of Pentacles is a card that implies physical innocent youth. The little girl is innocent, yet under authority, as she stands in front of the church window. This is the “moon” for her; the intuitive source. The Two of Cups implies relationships, grown up and fraught with decisions, wooing, marriage, courtship, etc. The Chariot sees choices to be made. The “driver” of the Chariot is not driving, also telling me that choices are out of one’s hands sometimes.
What struck me about these cards are the brilliant colors of the Page’s dress (pink implying innocence) and the two colors of the flowers she holds in her arm; deep purple and blue (perhaps implying maturity). She has covered herself and looks unsure. My inner child is like this. I wanted the beauty of pure innocence but that was not to be had in the power structure into which I was born. Later, there are choices about lovers and marriage. I find it fascinating that the wooing lover on the bench is in a similar position as the figure in the chariot and both wear the color red which implies power and confidence however casually they stand or sit. Both have their arms at rest on a knee or chair and their other hand is at rest. In the Two of Cups the woman’s dress is not so brilliant a color. It is pale pink and washed out. She looks resigned. Perhaps she doesn’t really have a choice of lovers, only an illusion of one. Her face is illuminated and her wooer’s is not perhaps meaning he has secrets. The Chariot also sees Light and Dark in the illumination of the stone figureheads. The Page is illuminated completely; perhaps by a camera? It all came together for me in a non-specific but gut-reactive kind of way. I understood the reading! And I did not consult the book. I took the skills learned in literary analysis and applied it. Notice the patterns, the clues, etc. How does it all hang together? And more importantly, what does it say to me?
It’s obvious to me that my inner child is taking a beating in the counseling I’ve received lately. My beautiful innocent inner child has grown up without “protection” yet has always been faced with choices however minimal the choices. Still, yet, there are some things totally out of our control. The trick is to deal with the choices that are made for us and make the best choices we can from the ones that require our attention. There may seem to be only “two” choices to be had. But this is false. We have many choices, the greatest of which is how we react to all situations. Do we bend or do we break? All we need do is recognize the patterns of the past and learn not to repeat them if they are detrimental to our growth or embrace them if they are not. Tools like Tarot can help us stop and think about the process before blindly rushing in to make a decision.
I woke up with this thought today: There must be more to life than just “purity codes.” Meaning that most patriarchal religions are systems of beliefs that are meant to make your world smaller. Rather than embrace life, these religions constrict it, bind it, put it under rule. I could never understand why I chaffed at these religions for most of my life, even though I willingly took them on without having a clear understanding of what life was all about. As I get older I am beginning to realize that life is meant to be lived enlarged and open. More love, more compassion. I don’t see compassion in restrictive religions. I see censure and a focus on willing the soul and body into submission. An otherworldly submission that we know nothing about. In the meantime the purity codes of these religions say “don’t, don’t, don’t.”
I have struggled with this most of my life. The only time I did not was when I was younger and religion was not an issue. No religious household where I grew up. Only the equivalent of an exacting, merciless god. I take great heart though reading posts like this. The author writes of a spiritual dry spell he went through recently, but one passage struck me:
“Religion was cleared away in a instant, with certainty, such that whenever I hear any traditional appeal to higher authority; “the Bible says…”, “the Church teaches…”, “God wants…”, I have to smile (or I have to remind myself to smile!) and remember that almost everyone naturally bases their fundamental assumptions on memes they’re taught, rather than the undeniable aspects of their own experience.”
Yes, why are we taught these things by others? Why can’t “religion” or spirituality be something one finds and grows into themselves? It’s not an academic discipline that must be learned. It’s a way of viewing the world and then living creatively in it. For me, this doesn’t seem like something one can pass on as if it was a set of facts like math or geography. Rather than live my life with a whole series of “Thou shalt nots..” I much prefer to begin discovery with “You are….” and see where that takes me. If the former produces fearful folk who feel constantly watched, then the latter should produce a healthier version of the loved soul.
The FOREMOTHERS & WAYSHOWERS SERIES
on Voices of the Sacred Feminine…Extended Edition
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Coming in October through February…Don’t miss this!
Voices of the Sacred Feminine Radio has been creating an archive of the brightest minds of our time for the last twenty months, and for your pleasure during the holiday season, the show it taking a huge step forward. This is my gift to your for your listener loyalty. This is in response to your requests!
Just some of the upcoming guests are:
Layne Redmond
Judy Grahn
Starhawk
Joan Marler
Phyllis Chesler
Barbara Walker
Genevieve Vaughan
Patricia Monaghan
Charlene Spretnak
Riane Eisler
Elinor Gadon
Isaac Bonewits
Miriam Robbins Dexter
Luisah Teish
Carol Christ
Jean Shinoda Bolen …..with more surprises to come!
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Guests on past shows include: Jean Houston, Barbara Walker, Z Budapest, Riane Eisler, Matthew Fox, Margaret Starbird, Joan Norton, Ava Park, VajraMa, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Fr. Roy Bourgeois, Patrick McCollum, Lucia Chiavola Birnbaum, Miranda Shaw, Grandmother Agnes of the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers, Marguerite Rigoglioso, James Reitveld, Dagonet Dewr, Normandi Ellis, Chandra Alexandre, Max Dashu, Lydia Ruyle, Glenys Livingstone, Carol Christ, Selena Fox…..
and many, many more.
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Karen Tate
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A Glorious Dawn – Cosmos Remixed. This is excellent!
